Where were you on 9/11 ?

This morning, on my drive to work, my favorite radio station personality - Trevor Doyle was asking us, "where were you the morning of 9/11"? His co-host stated that everybody would remember where they were that morning and I had a flashback to that day. I know where I was. The attacks of 9/11 changed so many lives, changed the way we travel, the way our borders function, the way we see people of different nationalities, the way we see life and how we are living ours.
The morning of 9/11, I was supervising the activities of a young offender. He was a grade 7 student, expelled from school for his violent behavior, and his lack of respect for authority. This child was trouble, a time bomb waiting to go off, he was heading for a future life of crime, or time in jail. That morning he locked me out of the house, attempted to intimidate me verbally, and employed every method he could think of to scare me, and make me quit like everyone else before me did.
A bit later, I was inside watching television with him, and he approached me from behind the couch I was sitting on. I could not take my eyes off the television, I could not believe what I was seeing.... a plane crashed into the world trade center, people were running, terrified, and my heart was just breaking for everyone who was trapped in those buildings. I heard the boy's voice behind me, he was laughing, he was entertained by what was on the television. I turned to look at him and told him to come sit with me, I looked into his unfeeling eyes and said, "that is real... not a show, those planes really hit those buildings, and people are really dying..." He laughed and said it was great.

As I sat there watching, nearly forgetting he was there in the house with me, I let my guard down. Then I saw it, the baseball bat swinging toward my head and stopping within two inches of my right temple. I did not flinch, partly because the scene on the television had my attention, but also because I was desensitized to violent behaviours in my childhood. He swung the bat again, and stopped it just above my ear, and I held my breath, and turned to look him in the eye....... he was smiling a sinister smile, his eyes left mine and looked at the television briefly and I pulled the bat from his hands. His expression changed and he said to me in his cocky teen voice, "how come that didn't scare you, it made the other girls scream and they quit, how come you didn't get scared?" I took a big breath in, exhaled to regain my composure and said to him, "nothing you can do will even come close to what my father did to me as a little girl, you can not scare me." He sat down on the couch and asked in a little boy's voice "what did he do to you"? I poured my heart out, telling him about the violence I grew up with, and how evil my father was. He softened, and whispered quietly, "my father did some really bad things to me too". We spent an hour talking, and when we were finished, he watched the newscast with me and sat quietly, obviously deep in thought.

Later that week he asked me to take him to talk to his school principal. After the meeting with the principal, he told me, he was going to try to go back to school. He had agreed to the stipulations the principal had laid out for him to follow in order to return to school. Nine months later, he won the turn around award at his school, had good grades, and was on the path to a promising future.

When asked what did it for him, what made him decide to put the effort in to change his life, he said it was the day he and I watched the events of 9/11, and the conversation we had together. Apparently something my grade four teacher, Mrs. Kusiak, had said to me, I had repeated to him, and hit home with him... he now knew that because you grew up in a violent home, does not mean you need to perpetuate that behaviour, that good can come out of bad, and we can all chose a path that is good. And despite the evil that is in the world, good can prevail. Good always wins. We can all be good and make a positive change in the world. Thank you Mrs. Kusiak


That leads me to think, did any good come out of 9/11? I guess that depends on your perspective, but in tiny little New Brunswick, in Canada, a young boys future may have been altered for the good because of the evil attacks on the world trade centers, otherwise I may not have been in the vulnerable position I was in when he swung that bat, and we may never have had that conversation. I believe that if one looks hard enough, you may find more stories of good coming out of the events of that day, at least I like to think so.

So, where were you on 9/11? How did it change your life? Or a life of someone you know?

Where is he now?

Time to update you all on Bojangles. I know some of you have wondered how he is doing. Well, the thin and lackluster gelding that stumbled off a trailer into my life, has grown into a pudgy, spoiled pony with lots of piss and vinegar! He has brought me laughter and he has pushed me to frustration, a boring pony he is not. I am so happy to say, that either way, he is a happy pony, a tolerant pony, a fat pony who would rather lay in the sun with a sweet goat on his back, than trudging through the woods with a child in saddle. O, Mr. Bojangles.... what am I going to do with you now?

Bojangles 3 weeks later ....

April 17th 2010

March 23rd 2010

Well, it has been three weeks since Bojangles has arrived. He has had a few changes in his condition. We thought he was seven years old, but we are told he is probably 27. Big difference. Since his arrival Bo has been on a very interesting diet to increase his intake of vitamins, minerals, fat, protein, and calories. He has not gained weight (so the weight tape says), but he has more pep, he holds his head high, is more alert, his ribs don't visibly stick out anymore (although his hip bones and withers do), and his coat is starting to shine. He is starting to fill out. And he has a quicker step, he even trots once in a while now. Now that his thick winter coat is falling out, the bare patches are starting to show, and he has many of them. I have also noticed that he has lice, lots of them.... so, time to treat that! Poor thing. The problem with lice in horses is that eventually when they have so many of them, they become anemic, and sickly. I found that treating horses with vetolice works well. Some people like the powder, but I avoid it for several reasons, but mainly because I think it is bad for the horses to breath in.... I have to put it in the mane, it will get into their lungs. Also, it washes off more easily than the vetolice. The good thing about horse lice is that humans can not get them (yeah). Bo has now been wormed twice. At the rate he is going, I think he will look great by July! Today he had a spay day and I managed to get through a lot of his winter coat, the ground was covered with his hair! He sure looked nice when I was done though! After that we went for a walk to a nice patch of first spring grass, and he loved it! He was very protective of his grass though, and I think he thought us humans were going to try to take his grass patch for ourselves, he was very defensive of his grass.... like a dog is about his bone! Watch out sheep! So I have included two photos, one from March 23rd and one from today. Keep watching, he will get real sweet looking!

Poor Old Bojangles

Found out that Bo is likely 27 years old. Explains the sore stiff walk, poor weight gain, and lack luster energy level, he is a geriatric horse..... someone along the line lied about his age. Oh well, we will spoil him just the same. Poor Ole Bo.

Artistic Debut

This weekend presented a new experience for two of my children, and myself. My oldest daughter Andrea was showing five of her original photographs at an art show in our community. This does not seem to be a daunting task, but Andrea is one of those quiet people who knows in her heart she has talent, but does not believe in herself enough to shout it from the roof tops. She needed me there for support, and was hoping to sell her prints to buy a new camera, so I am sure she was disappointed that she did not sell any prints today, BUT..... many people commented on her work, and told her what a wonderful job she did, which her confidence needed. Then a restaurant owner asked her to contact her about putting her artwork in her restaurant, this IS exciting, I don't think Andrea understands what an open door that is for her. So, she survived her first showing, and I am sure she is relieved, and hopefully inspired. I love her work, and I always look forward to seeing the world through her eyes.
Berenger was also there to support her, and basically was a well behaved little boy, and slept through a bit of the show... relieved that I did not have to leave, I think that would have plummeted Andrea into a panic attack! Oh, and as a footnote, Andrea has sold several prints to local doctors who have put her work both in their home and offices.... in case you were wondering. I am proud of my kids in all they do!

Random words of love and affection

My cousin posted on her facebook that her child randomly said "I love you mom", and my first thought was the many times that my kids brought me to tears with random words of love and affection! It brought me back a few years ago to a car drive where I fought not crashing my car when blinded by tears. My children had put in the Rugrat's Paris cd..... and played the song of Cyndi Laupers - I want a mom who will last forever..... They sang the song with all their hearts, and the tears flowed! At first I tried to hide my tears from my trio of singers, but realized that I could not as I pulled the car over and sobbed with pride, and happiness! Every time I hear that song, I am brought back to that moment, and yes, I still cry. I will remember that moment, it being so powerful, I am sure it is permenately etched into my mind, I am sure Alzheimer's can not even steal that memory!
Relative to this thought - I worked as a nurse in all aspects of nursing including intensive care, pediatrics, oncology, and psych..... one thing that I learned in this work was that people only needed one thing, only craved one thing, and only regretted one thing.... to know they are loved, and having not said it at the right time, or even at all. One patient's mother sat by her dying daughter's bed, crying with guilt because her last words to her daughter were "hateful". She sobbed through her fingers, repeating primarily to herself, "I should have told her I loved her despite the fact that I was angry at her, I should have told her that she was so important to me, and that I was trying to do what was best for her...... I should have told her I loved her!!!" The wailing grew as her daughter took her last breath, and the last thing I heard her mother say to her support person as she was led from our unit was "I was too late, I didn't say I love you".
I grew up in a family where the words I love you were not spoken, and in actuality, a swat on the side of the head was the only form of "love" expressed in my home. So growing up to be a partner and parent who used the words with ease was not the norm. It was a struggle for me to learn to say "I love you", but I persevered, and nothing trains a woman in the area of expressing emotions of love like raising a child. I had never known the power of love until my first born child was placed in my arms and like a breaker switch that is flipped to it's on position, flooding the room with light, my heart learned the meaning of love, the power of love... turned on by the warmth of an eight pound child. My love for my children continues to grow daily, and my ability to say it as well, fostered by the rare glimpse into the lives of those who had reserved the words, or worse replaced them with hateful, thoughtless phrases they would live to regret.
I learned to turn the angry words to loving words when challenged by my youngest who stormed to her room, arms crossed tightly across her chest as she stomped up the stairs after being told to go to her room for bad behaviour. She yelled at me with all her anger "I HATE YOU!" and thank God I had the presence of mind to respond the way I did, but some higher being had to have whispered into my ear.... say I love you because I did. Each time I answered her I hate you with"Well, I love you!" her anger dissipated and a smile broke out across her face... until it turned into an "I love you too, but I am still mad"! to which I responded "me too".
So learn from my wisdom, if you can call it that. Be sure to tell your children you love them, day and night, even if you are not comfortable saying the words. Eventually they will feel very normal and come from your lips easily and with meaning. Your words may be the ones that keep your confused teen from ending his life. Your words may be the ones that send your child to school smiling, energized and ready to conquer the world with the power of love! Show your children frequent Random Words of Love and Affection!

Spa day for the pony

Today was warmer than Saturday, so we had spa day for Bo today. He got brushed, got his mane and tail trimmed and he looks nice. Once winter is over, he will shed his thick furry coat and will look like a whole new pony! Today Berenger got his first pony ride on Bo. He had a big smile on his face the whole time! The lil' bugger loves that pony already.